Keep on keeping on...

I am 6 days sober today and grateful. I have also lost about 5lbs from stress - not eating and smoking cigarettes. Sarah and I spent last night at home - she worked until about 9:00pm and we talked a little. Mostly we laughed and remembered old times. We've talked about the realism that we aren't the people we were three years ago when we spent our first days doing nothing but making love and dreaming. Like she said, "so much has happened since then - it feels like a lifetime ago."

I know I have a place at Alan's house - and I shopped a bit for futons online yesterday. I miss her even though she's in my arms - that is the strangest feeling I know. I cry at the most inoportune times then feel peaceful at others. I have my appointment with my therapist today at noon and will spill all of this again.

I dread waking up because I feel like I am wallking in a dream. What I want from Sarah is what she's wanted from me this entire time - to take me in her arms, tell me she loves me and that she'll never leave me. She can't do that and said so. I understand that. It just takes time.

More later...