Screwed, NOT Stewed and Tattooed..

So I am a little concerned that I am slipping back into my old ways. Last Saturday I had to white knuckle most of the day because I was romanticizing and wanting a drink. I used some of my tools - talking to my brain (basically my inner child) and having dessert. The connection I had with God in AR is clearly missing. I know that is from not meditating every morning and letting life get in the way of that relationship. I am excited about working with Joan and renewing my excitement about my program! I call her every day and we just talk about whatever might be going on. We'll meet Sunday and have coffee and talk about the Doctor's Opinion and the fellowship. I'll talk to her about how I can reconnect with God and get back on track. I don't want to "pink cloud" my sobriety but I don't want the old crap either.

I have been going to a meeting every day since I got out of AR but the other night I did leave early, despite the fact that it was a good meeting. Today Sarah is going to Horseshoe Bay so I have the day to myself. I plan to use that time to relax and visit with God, working my myself and my sobriety. I don't want another Saturday spent wishing I wasn't an alcoholic.

Today I am going to get my tattoos touched up and get my koi worked on at Eternally Bound. I'll have lunch at Souper Salad before that and I'll run and get my hair trimmed. After my tattoo appointment, I'll come home, do laundry and watch some college football. OH I'll make a Target run to use that old gift certificate and grab a lunchbox.

At some point today I'll go for a walk somewhere. Maybe I'll just walk up to campus and enjoy the weather - or window shop the drag. I'll take my Big Book and study to get ready for my meeting with Joan tomorrow. I'll check the schedule to see what meeting I want to hit also...

Most of all, I'll ask God to keep me sober and smoke free for today. And I'll ask him to keep Shari and Sarah safe.

More later....

Maintaining...

Yay, Friday! Tonight is the awesome NA Friday night meeting down south. I'll hopefully get to see some folks from AR, including Melinda and maybe run into Mandy Flynn. I am a little worried about John as my sponsor, I have to be honest. I cancelled on him last night because Sarah wasn't up to dinner. He is gone 3 days out of each week too. Mostly, I think John will be a good friend but not hard enough on me as a sponsor. I really need that. I plan to meet him Sunday and I'll explain this to him. It may just not be a good fit sponsorwise. Because I am a lesbian, I can't have a female sponsor and a gay man would really be the best. It may be that I can find one at Northland too. I'll talk to Karen and some other folks at NA tonight and get their ideas as well.

That is really what is on my mind - I am anxious to get these steps started. OH and I'll bring my stepwork with me to my meeting with John so he can see it. Might give him some ideas where to get going....

More later...

Fresh from Rehab...

So I have been out of Austin Recovery for 5 days now - almost a week! Sometimes I can't really believe it! I have been to a meeting every day, but have passed on Aftercare. I didn't really dig it and it doesn't fit with my schedule so I will just go to meetings all the time and work with John. Speaking of - things I haven't done that I said I would and will remedy RIGHT NOW:

1) Call John EVERY day
2) Journal every day (the reason for this blog)
3) Meditate every morning
4) Exercise every day

I will give myself a little break on the exercise and diet - I am joining Weight Watchers again Saturday and will walk in the mornings starting next week with Sarah. But meditation, calling and John and journalling must be done daily to keep me sober and free. I am excited because tonight's meeting at L&LL is a good one and Sarah is coming with me. After that, we'll go to dinner with John and his boyfriend, Chris - I have been promising to do that forever and hadn't done it. And tomorrow's NA meeting south is my favorite - Mandy Flynn is there and I'm sure I'll see Melinda. I'll email both M and Shari today. I worry for Shari but feel good that I got her out and to a meeting Tuesday. Especially since there were so many other things I wanted to do that day - go to my own meeting and relax.

I have been feeling tired at night and I know that is because I have not been exercising and eating my WW food. I KNOW I'll have more energy once I do that. Overall, I feel good - I have flashes where I feel sadness or lament over not drinking, then I slap myself mentally. I think of all the fun things I'll get to experience coming up! Thanksgiving and Christmas and FALL! This year, I'll walk 37th street with Sarah and coffee again like last year, but not be dry drunk. That alone will be a relief. I remember several years ago, I went with Dawn and we drank Schnapps - we were obliterated. Horrifying....

I plan to call Golden Apple this afternoon and ask if Mandy will be in - I might be able to get my tattoos touched up that day before we go to restorative or to alumni - depending on what we want to do... I know I'll see her Friday but don't want to talk business with her at NA. I hope I'll see Melinda there too!

Saturday will be fun at the AR Reunion party - Sarah is going with me and I'll be a roadie! I'll be helping the band move equipment around, etc.

More later...