I have a bit of a "Debbie Downer" post today. It's beautiful and sunny here in Austin and I have spent most of the day working and crying. I spent most of the day with Sarah yesterday and left suddenly last night to come back here. I sent her a message this morning that I cannot deal with her friendship with Kenny after what has happened. They go to movies in mixed groups and drinks and dinners.
I have to have some pride and I feel so devasted and hurt that I need to limp away. I told her I cannot see her for a while. My boss/friend, Mike, says that time will heal this and when I least expect it, might meet someone and forget all of this. He says the heart is miraculous that way - you forget all the nonsense you have right now (you have it and need it to protect you right now). In the meantime, my job is to heal and spend time alone. I am not to give up hope on love, although I don't feel I will ever do that again.
My heart is so broken and I am so lost. I am not a communicator and am bad in relationships but I have cried the last couple of months enough for the rest of my life. I don't even think about drinking - I am so destroyed that it's hard to make it through the day, so I guess that is a blessing.
I have hope that the pain will subside. I don't care about ever being with anyone again - in fact, if someone came close to me now I would want to hit them. It hurts that bad.
Good luck, Sarah and Kenny and fuck you.
Stacy.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
February 25, 2007
I have a bit of a "Debbie Downer" post today. It's beautiful and sunny here in Austin and I have spent most of the day working and crying. I spent most of the day with Sarah yesterday and left suddenly last night to come back here. I sent her a message this morning that I cannot deal with her friendship with Kenny after what has happened. They go to movies in mixed groups and drinks and dinners.
I have to have some pride and I feel so devasted and hurt that I need to limp away. I told her I cannot see her for a while. My boss/friend, Mike, says that time will heal this and when I least expect it, might meet someone and forget all of this. He says the heart is miraculous that way - you forget all the nonsence you have right now (you have it and need it to protect you right now).
My heart is so broken and I am so lost. I am not a communicator and am bad in relationships but I have cried the last couple of months enough for the rest of my life. I don't even think about drinking - I am so destroyed that it's hard to make it through the day, so I guess that is a blessing.
I have hope that the pain will subside. I don't care about ever being with anyone again - in fact, if someone came close to me now I would want to hit them. It hurts that bad.
Good luck, Sarah and Kenny and fuck you.
Stacy.
I have to have some pride and I feel so devasted and hurt that I need to limp away. I told her I cannot see her for a while. My boss/friend, Mike, says that time will heal this and when I least expect it, might meet someone and forget all of this. He says the heart is miraculous that way - you forget all the nonsence you have right now (you have it and need it to protect you right now).
My heart is so broken and I am so lost. I am not a communicator and am bad in relationships but I have cried the last couple of months enough for the rest of my life. I don't even think about drinking - I am so destroyed that it's hard to make it through the day, so I guess that is a blessing.
I have hope that the pain will subside. I don't care about ever being with anyone again - in fact, if someone came close to me now I would want to hit them. It hurts that bad.
Good luck, Sarah and Kenny and fuck you.
Stacy.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
February 15, 2007
It's been a long time since my last post and so much has happened. I am moving to a new apartment tomorrow and will be taking Milo the dingo and Tecate the cat with me in the next month. Sarah is staying here a bit then moving to her own place as well. The idea is that we work on ourselves and take that time to figure out what we want/need - all the while "dating" each other. Although the idea is very romantic, and most likely what we need to comfort ourselves, I am not sure how it will work....
I am excited about devoting my life to meetings/my program and work. Work has been a great refuge these days and for that I am incredibly grateful. More later - hopefully the next blog will be sent from my new home! :)
I am excited about devoting my life to meetings/my program and work. Work has been a great refuge these days and for that I am incredibly grateful. More later - hopefully the next blog will be sent from my new home! :)
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