I have a bit of a "Debbie Downer" post today. It's beautiful and sunny here in Austin and I have spent most of the day working and crying. I spent most of the day with Sarah yesterday and left suddenly last night to come back here. I sent her a message this morning that I cannot deal with her friendship with Kenny after what has happened. They go to movies in mixed groups and drinks and dinners.
I have to have some pride and I feel so devasted and hurt that I need to limp away. I told her I cannot see her for a while. My boss/friend, Mike, says that time will heal this and when I least expect it, might meet someone and forget all of this. He says the heart is miraculous that way - you forget all the nonsence you have right now (you have it and need it to protect you right now).
My heart is so broken and I am so lost. I am not a communicator and am bad in relationships but I have cried the last couple of months enough for the rest of my life. I don't even think about drinking - I am so destroyed that it's hard to make it through the day, so I guess that is a blessing.
I have hope that the pain will subside. I don't care about ever being with anyone again - in fact, if someone came close to me now I would want to hit them. It hurts that bad.
Good luck, Sarah and Kenny and fuck you.
Stacy.
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