I have a bit of a "Debbie Downer" post today. It's beautiful and sunny here in Austin and I have spent most of the day working and crying. I spent most of the day with Sarah yesterday and left suddenly last night to come back here. I sent her a message this morning that I cannot deal with her friendship with Kenny after what has happened. They go to movies in mixed groups and drinks and dinners.
I have to have some pride and I feel so devasted and hurt that I need to limp away. I told her I cannot see her for a while. My boss/friend, Mike, says that time will heal this and when I least expect it, might meet someone and forget all of this. He says the heart is miraculous that way - you forget all the nonsense you have right now (you have it and need it to protect you right now). In the meantime, my job is to heal and spend time alone. I am not to give up hope on love, although I don't feel I will ever do that again.
My heart is so broken and I am so lost. I am not a communicator and am bad in relationships but I have cried the last couple of months enough for the rest of my life. I don't even think about drinking - I am so destroyed that it's hard to make it through the day, so I guess that is a blessing.
I have hope that the pain will subside. I don't care about ever being with anyone again - in fact, if someone came close to me now I would want to hit them. It hurts that bad.
Good luck, Sarah and Kenny and fuck you.
Stacy.
Me!
Tecate with a picture of my Grandma Parker - This is my favorite picture of her
The Boxer rescue, Allister...
The dingo, Milo!
Travis = little and weird..
10 comments:
Hey stace! Your pal kenny is in the eye hospital and could do with a visit from an alcoholic pal. Don't forget the grapes!
Hi, Kenny! I hope you are doing ok. I am sober and that's all I can say for now. My heart is broken but I know I'll be OK... warm thoughts across the sea from me!
Ahh bless. very sweet.
For what it's worth, all the stuff i have read about broken hearts and experience, is that YOU DRAG THE PAIN OUT by 'going back to the scene of the crime'. Meaning the best thing is to STAY AWAY. The more you 'go back' the more you roadblock the 'moving on' process. yeah I know thats the LAST thing you want to hear, but thats what all the wisdom out there suggests. Just thought I'd pass that on as it sounds as though you are in quite (!!) a lot of pain at the moment. To say the least!
I don't think you are going to be able to be objective about their conduct at this stage. whatever 'they' do, I guaruntee it will wind you up!
anyway. your boss sounds cool. stick close to the people that are a POSITIVE influence, and meetings and all, and the healing will take care of itself..
Good luck in the meantime! Keep up the good work!
Do you know this one? "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die".
Carrie Fisher
hi there stacy. Hope work is good, and you have a good weekend!
hi there stacy! hope you are having a FINE wednesday!
Justv dropping by to say "Hi" and that I hope you're okay.
(the other) Kenny
(((HUG)))
xxx
Hey, Stacy. Hope you're okay today.
[not that] KENNY [the other one]
(((HUG)))
DETESTABLE NECROMANCER
You know, the message the 12 Step Paradigm tells us that we are all just powerless over our addictions, meaningless specks of offal in an endless ocean of space and matter where hydrogen atoms and bacteria of unexplained origin can turn into god as
you understand him!! Oooo! It’s so exciting and uplifting to be regularly assured by Steppers in all their ineffable knowledge and function is just an accumulation of 1st Century Christianity
Buchmanism & Nihilism. Oooo! It’s heart-warming, I’ll tell ya. We owe these "messengers" so terribly much that it is difficult to put into words... We can talk to dead people & consult spiritists.
9 When you enter the land the LORD your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there. 10 Let no one be found among you who sacrifice his son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, 11 or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. 12 Anyone who does these things is detestable to the LORD, and because of these detestable practices the LORD your God will drive out those nations before you. 13 You must be blameless before the LORD your God.
Wilson was a “detestable necromancer” who talked to dead people & consulted spiritists. He was “an angel of light” and if you Steppers want what he had, keep going to 12 Step meetings & end up as zombies. I beg of you to see the True Light & have Eternal Life, not death.
My Dear Stacy,
BILL WILSON'S PACT WITH SATAN:
From Bill's Story:
Co - founder of AA, Bill Wilson's story has been in every edition of the book Alcoholics Anonymous.
With ministers, and the world's religions, I parted right there. When they talked of a God personal to me, who was love, superhuman strength and direction, I became irritated and my mind snapped shut against such a theory.
To Christ I conceded the certainty of a great man, not too closely followed by those who claimed Him. His moral teaching -- most excellent. For myself, I had adopted those parts which seemed convenient and not too difficult; the rest I disregarded.
My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said, "Why don't you choose your own conception of God?"
That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last.
It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning. I saw that growth could start from that point. Upon a foundation of complete willingness I might build what I saw in my friend. Would I have it? Of course I would!
Thus was I convinced that God is concerned with us humans when we want Him enough. At long last I saw, I felt, I believed. Scales of pride and prejudice fell from my eyes. A new world came into view.
The real significance of my experience in the Cathedral burst upon me. For a brief moment, I had needed and wanted God. There had been a humble willingness to have Him with me -- and He came. But soon the sense of His presence had been blotted out by worldly clamors, mostly those within myself. And so it had been ever since. How blind I had been.
At the hospital I was separated from alcohol for the last time. Treatment seemed wise, for I showed signs of delirium tremens.
There I humbly offered myself to God, as I then I understood Him, to do with me as He would. I placed myself unreservedly under His care and direction. I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without Him I was lost. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my new-found Friend take them away, root and branch. I have not had a drink since. Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all.
These were revolutionary and drastic proposals, but the moment I fully accepted them, the effect was electric. There was a sense of victory, followed by such a peace and serenity as I had never know. There was utter confidence. I felt lifted up, as though the great clean wind of a mountain top blew through and through. God comes to most men gradually, but His impact on me was sudden
and profound.
For a moment I was alarmed, and called my friend, the doctor, to ask if I were still sane. He listened in wonder as I talked.
Finally he shook his head saying, "Something has happened to you I don't understand. But you had better hang on to it. Anything is better than the way you were." The good doctor now sees many men who have such experiences. He knows that they are real.
While I lay in the hospital the thought came that there were thousands of hopeless alcoholics who might be glad to have what had been so freely given me. Perhaps I could help some of them. They in turn might work with others.
There is no mention of JESUS CHRIST in the BIG BOOK or the 12 STEPS. Wilson was used by SATAN to delude millions of people.
John 3:16 (chapter 3, verse 16 of the Gospel of John) is one of the most widely quoted verses from the Christian Bible. It has been called the "Bible in a nutshell" because it is considered a summary of some of the most central doctrines of traditional Christianity:
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.
A typical interpretation of the verse might go as follows:
· For God so loved the world... - God is a God of love and this love motivates his action in the rest of the verse
· ...that he gave... - there was God giving something, his son as a sacrifice
· ...his only begotten[1] Son... - the human Jesus of Nazareth is also the Son of God, and also the Second Person of the Trinity
· ...that whosoever... - that salvation is open to all who will believe
· ...believeth... - being saved is based on belief or faith, rather than based on human works.
· ...in Him... - the belief being in Jesus, the Saviour
· ...should not perish... - implies the fate of those who do not believe, that is the doctrine of hell
· ...but have everlasting life. - shows the reward of those who believe, that is the doctrine of heaven.
I, MICKY, AM A GIFT TO ALL PEOPLE.
Hey there! I'm Sam, one of the many who Micky graced in his list. Please pardon my putting the same comment on your site that I've put on so many others.
I've copied his list (with some omission of content!) and posted in on my site, www.raanch.com. You might want to take a look, for there are 82 blogs listed there. You're bound to find a new friend to follow. Also, I'm offering to everyone the code to put the same list in a post on their site. Lastly, there's a non-link to Micky's site, where folks can post a thank you to him for his service. After all, he really helped us out by compiling this list!
Take good care!
Sam
Post a Comment