Detoxing with Joan...

Today I meet Joan at AR to chair the Detox meeting :) I am so excited to see everyone staffwise and give back to the place that gave me so much. After that, Joan and I will meet to go over my Step 1 work. I feel it is a little thin but I have really worked on it, so I'll explain that to her. It was pretty hard to come up with things that are unmanageable, believe it or not?

This afternoon I'll hang with Sarah and go thrift shopping etcetera - maybe go by Eternally Bound and visit Glenn to make an appointment for next weekend. Right now I need to eat breakfast and read my BB for my meeting with Joan.

I have been doing OK with Weight Watchers but want to do even better. I plan to go to the meeting next Saturday because I prefer to weigh in the morning. So I have 6 days to kick ass and lose at least 2lbs I hope...

I need to work on my report today - AND finish my resume so I can have Mike look at it this week...

More later :)

Black Friday...

Last night was pretty uncomfortable - I wish Sarah and I had done TGiving on our own. We went to Matt and Courtney's but the vibe was way off all night. I couldn't get out of there fast enough! Matt's brother and his wife were pretty weird about folks not drinking and their questioning went on a bit long. Then when out having a cigarrette, talk seemed to focus on wine and drinking. It made me miss wine and the cameraderie of being buzzy and with friends. It was not hard to leave that and think of missing my wedding night and waking up the next day sick and regretful. The days of wine and fun were over for me a long time ago - I have more in common with the homeless guys skulking around my house now.

Today is Black Friday and work will be nutso I am sure. I hope to get to visit with my team a bit and work on my resume. I know Sarah is sad about me not going to Portland in February, but I really need to put my bonus toward the debt. I worry about her sometimes - she expects a vacation every few months. I grew up with vacations about every few years and that seems pretty normal. She may have grown up very lucky. For this reason, I don't crave getting away I guess. We'll have to work that out...

62 Days and Counting...

From November 1, 2006 - I didn't finish it :)
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Today I am 62 days sober :) I think I'll pick up my chip tonight at Bouldin. This is the longest I have been sober in 10 years, I'd guess. It's strange, right now I am so thankful I have not had alcohol - I have my coffee and am half-asleep. But there are so many other times I think about a cold beer or glass of wine - especially driving home from work and on Saturdays.

My plan of action is to pray every morning for the obsession/desire for alcohol to be taken from me. I have heard so many AA folks say they have done this and God did so - I am sure he can do that for me too. I know that the obsession will exhaust me and take away my focus on life, rendering me dry drunk yet again. I KNOW this...

My latest assignment from Joan is to make a list of 20 things that I feel powerless over and 20 things about which I feel unmanageable - these are apart from alcohol. This is Step 1:

Part 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol.
Part 2. Our lives had become unmanageable.

Here's what I have:

I am powerless over:
1. Smoking
2. Sweets
3. Junk food
4. Forgiveness from others after amends have been made
5. My debt - I am in the hole about 10K
6. Shari and her using/behavior - for that matter, ANY friend that relapses
7. The 2nd sip - with God's help I can be relieved of the obsession to take the 1st drink, which is the only time I have "power"
8. Specifically, Mandy/Daniele's feelings about me - all I can do is make my amends when the time comes
9. Sarah's parents accepting who she is (who we are)
10. My agent's desire to succeed - I can only show them to improve, thereby increasing their chances to get badged
11. The world's obsession with alcohol

My life is unmanageable when:
1. I am self-will run riot - I become the "actor"
2. Forget that I am not in control - God is :) This is comforting to me!
3. Life becomes too complicated - right now it should be 1) Pray and Meditate, 2) Work, 3) Meetings after work, 4) Connect with Sarah and pets, 4) Review my day and pray/meditate, 5) Sleep

Working on 3rd Step...

Feelings and Goals :)

I feel crampy and tired but a bit less irritable than I have been feeling. My goals today are to treadmill, have fun with my agents and go to the 8:00 meeting at LLL. OH and I'll call Rebel and let her know where and when it is so she and Ash can meet me there. I'll call Shari today and check on her too - I can get Chico's email while I am at it.
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I work this Sunday, which will be nice and chill - I always love working on Sunday, but that leaves Saturday as my only day off for the week. I'll see if Alan is and company are watching any football - I could go over and just hang and relax. Other than that, I plan to do nothing at all but laundry and napping with the boys.

I will work on memorizing the 3rd step prayer, which I love because it talks so much about releasing me from self - I have changed the high English to just plain old regular - fits me better :)

God, I offer myself to You-
To build with me
and to do with me as You will.
Relieve me of the bondage of self,
that I may better do Your will.
Take away my difficulties,
that victory over them may bear witness
to those I would help of Your Power,
Your Love, and Your Way of life.
May I do Your will always!

I'll pray to stay sober today and for the obsession to be taken from me - that's the hardest part lately. I really want that shit to go away so I can live my life.

That's it for today so far....