From November 1, 2006 - I didn't finish it :)
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Today I am 62 days sober :) I think I'll pick up my chip tonight at Bouldin. This is the longest I have been sober in 10 years, I'd guess. It's strange, right now I am so thankful I have not had alcohol - I have my coffee and am half-asleep. But there are so many other times I think about a cold beer or glass of wine - especially driving home from work and on Saturdays.
My plan of action is to pray every morning for the obsession/desire for alcohol to be taken from me. I have heard so many AA folks say they have done this and God did so - I am sure he can do that for me too. I know that the obsession will exhaust me and take away my focus on life, rendering me dry drunk yet again. I KNOW this...
My latest assignment from Joan is to make a list of 20 things that I feel powerless over and 20 things about which I feel unmanageable - these are apart from alcohol. This is Step 1:
Part 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol.
Part 2. Our lives had become unmanageable.
Here's what I have:
I am powerless over:
1. Smoking
2. Sweets
3. Junk food
4. Forgiveness from others after amends have been made
5. My debt - I am in the hole about 10K
6. Shari and her using/behavior - for that matter, ANY friend that relapses
7. The 2nd sip - with God's help I can be relieved of the obsession to take the 1st drink, which is the only time I have "power"
8. Specifically, Mandy/Daniele's feelings about me - all I can do is make my amends when the time comes
9. Sarah's parents accepting who she is (who we are)
10. My agent's desire to succeed - I can only show them to improve, thereby increasing their chances to get badged
11. The world's obsession with alcohol
My life is unmanageable when:
1. I am self-will run riot - I become the "actor"
2. Forget that I am not in control - God is :) This is comforting to me!
3. Life becomes too complicated - right now it should be 1) Pray and Meditate, 2) Work, 3) Meetings after work, 4) Connect with Sarah and pets, 4) Review my day and pray/meditate, 5) Sleep
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1 comment:
The world's obsession with booze doesn't bother me - just my own obsession which nearly killed me.
If I don't take the first drink, I can't get drunk.
But you know all that anyway.
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